On the Bubble

An audio version of this essay is available on Substack here.

“Do not go gentle into that good night.” - Dylan Thomas

Uncle John died on Monday. He was the final ascendant of my generation of siblings and his passing left a sobering reminder that we are now on top of the bubble; the next Pez to pop. No one left above appraising us with eyebrow raised, only those below to bless with our unassailable wisdom. Ahem.

I last saw John in September, when my brother Joe and I travelled to Montreal for a quick hello. We sensed that time was dwindling. John was in failing health, but still living independently in a facility for elders and engaged with the world. He never warmed to the internet, but followed the news through a heavy dose of journals and CNN, and was impressively current on everything obscure to global. He held no shortage of opinions, just ask.

John had more charm and cheek than a boatful of pirates, chatting with everyone, flirting with some, and repeating stories of his colorful youth in Montreal. The sleek cars and mafia dolls, hanging with his pal Billy at this hot spot or that, and 50 years of memories with Eileen, the love of his life. I can visualize a massive burst of life energy exploding into a kaleidoscope of cosmic dust the moment Uncle John finally let go.

Runways

I’m in pretty good shape, aka nick (the Brits), aka forme (the French). I follow the Mediterranean Diet, exercise, get in my 8 hours at night, stay social, make attempts at moderation, and juggle a collection of projects that fill me with purpose. In the past, when suffering a wobble I could survey the condition of older generations and feel, by contrast, blessed. Now I’ve lost that comparative advantage. The one-eyed cat with the ratty fur? Now that’s me.

This bubble slot prompts me to gauge the runway. I’m counting on 20 more good years, with 10 to 15 at full gallop and the rest at an inspired trot. I may do better on both counts, and then again maybe not. All one can do is try to stay in good shape, nick, forme (see above).

The capricious runway of one’s final act provokes an option to go bold (not gentle, to quote our Welsh poet) while able. What can I create and what can I consume that are most profound (and for whom) in the time remaining? I don’t value consumption as bold by the price tags of bumptious possessions gathering dust in idle sitting rooms. I similarly don’t measure creation as bold through numbers of followers, likes, or purchases it engenders. Can you imagine social media reactions in the early careers of Kafka, Cage, or Pollock? 🤷‍♂️😝👎

Being inspired and getting paid for it are conjoined for emerging creatives of any stripe: artists, architects, inventors, startup founders, etc. Not as much for those of us on the bubble. I want to be rewarded for my creative output, but won’t sacrifice my vision to that end. This is a luxury most younger creatives don’t enjoy. I’m looking to be remembered in 100 years, they are looking to pay the rent this month. Between these 2 extremes lies a spectrum of compromise. We all find our spot.

Bold consumption, for me, leans into personal enrichment. What can I absorb that strengthens my outer creativity? What can I absorb that deepens my inner journey? Answers? I’m not sure, but the fun is in figuring that out.

Family will play a larger role through these bubble years. More quality time spent with my siblings and California kids is growing in priority. Investing more in developing my various crafts is also taking on greater urgency. With whom can I collaborate to light the creative flame? What additional knowledge can deepen my appreciation for how this world turns? What experiences will render me a much richer and more interesting Bill to those with whom I commune? These have always been fun barstool considerations. As the runway shortens they take on greater urgency.

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My Interprize Workshops have to-date centered on the art of mid-life reinvention. As I see that mid-life point coming into sharper rearview view, I’m reworking the concept and content to include those on-the-bubble considerations above. I plan to revive the workshops in the next year, so all thoughts are invited. ‘Till then, go have fun!